An Open Letter to the Internet About Its Very Clear Lack of Orgasms in 2020 — and Why This Should Be Your First New Year’s Resolution for 2021

It’s 2021. Stop telegraphing to the world how much you need to come.

Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

You haven’t had a truly satisfying orgasm in a very long time and everyone can tell.

You’re acting like a maniac.

You’re day drinking.

You’re crazy defensive all the time.

And you’ve literally just gone viral screaming at the crossing guard at your child’s school and your arch enemy has created a mash-up video that includes you, that hysterical woman rocking back and forth in her car seat from TikTok and some random braying goat.

Something needs to change.

And that something is: You are going to start having quality mind-blowing orgasms this year. Regularly.

2021 is going to be the year when you stop screaming, “I’ve given up on my own personal happiness…